2023: THIS YEAR AT EVERY POINT WAS ASKING FOR MY LIFE

If there is one big lesson I took out of this year, it is that I am capable of doing extraordinary things...

I wanted to write my “This Year Taught Me” post – a tradition I have been doing since 2019, but 2023 looked at me in amazement, shook head, and said; “Boyyy, you’re still here, alive? Wow!”. So plix let me just rant.

NB: I will try to keep this post short… that may turn out to be a lie.

2023 SUMMARY

I knew this year was going to be a lot since I did my crossover on the road. Then February came with resumption and since then I have not rested. I had few wins this year – partly because I did less – but all my wins are mind-blowing. As I write this, my Guyton textbook of medical physiology is half opened, I have 3 different presentation tabs opened, and I am listening to Seyi Vibez. Becauseee everything here wants to unalive me and I am not going to agree.

I did the littlest this year. I was on conservatory mode; it was just med school and attempting to live to see the next day. Barely hung out; declined so many creative hangouts and found a way to always put my coursework as excuse.

SCHOOL

My biggest source of anxiety is Medical school. Gosh! What am I doing here? Is it that I love pain? Who even pushed me to collect form sef? Don’t get me wrong, I love medicine. I think I have not loved anything more than the opportunity to learn about the human body. I love books, I just don’t love how medicine is taught in Nigerian med school.

The time is so short and what we are to cover is just overwhelming. At first, I was working towards deep understanding – yunno, I sit on a topic and not leave it until I fully understand such topic in a way that I can teach it unprepared. But med school laughed at my foolishness, and said, “Is like you want to fail! You will just fail danu danu”. And yeah, I’m not kidding, because guys, I did fail.

My first test in medical school was physiology – cell physiology. It was the cheapest test in school and guess what? I failed it. like, I literally had the second lowest score in the class with 37/100 (there was negative marking). I cried ehn, oh my God, I cried so much that now I laugh anytime I remember it. Why did I fail? Well, I failed to revise because, I mean, it’s cell. I have been learning about cell since JS2. The time I was supposed to use to read revise, I spent it unwisely.

Lesson: treat all tests like they are exams and at worst I’ll insert (score the minimum pass mark of 50/100). And yeah, that’s how I have been winging it.

Another issue with school is the structure. This curriculum and how it is structured favours “la cram la pour”. I come from OAU where we spend a semester doing spaced coursework and 4 hours exam. Here in med school, we are doing “you must learn the whole of human anatomy in 18 months and writing 12 essay questions in 1 hour”.

My handwriting has gone from beautiful to struggling to “make lecturer no vex o, I no fit dey spell in full”. I am always sweating inside the hall because there is just no time; I am always struggling to finish answering before time is up; and because there is just so much to write – our assessments are not tailored to know who really understands but who really can recall the most – I am always feeling inadequate.

Anatomy is bulky and time-consuming, Physiology is damn interesting, and biochemistry looks like the weapon fashioned against me. I have contemplated quitting school many times — I actually told my parents about it and they organized series of virtual intervention for me. I spoke with my three family friends practicing abroad, my elder brother and Grandma were was calling me everyday, everybody in the family sent me money, and I spoke with senior colleagues in SWEMSA.

I do not plan to practice medicine in the traditional settings of seeing patients. My interest lies within the intersection of medicine and microbiology and writing. I see myself either in academia or research within the areas of community medicine or oncology.

WRITING

I did not write much this year: wrote less than 20 poems, made less than 10 submissions and I can't recount how many acceptances came in this year. Whilst I was able to score a few publications, I did meet few other writers. I wrote more poetry than short-stories.

I got published on KSR, I have works forthcoming in an anthology with Griots Lounge, and a couple of others wins. I won Agbowó's merch on Twitter. Surprise surprise the sweatshirt is still in Lagos. In fact, I have a number of things in Lagos that I can't wait to bring back during the break.

I workshopped with Abubakar Adam Ibrahim in July thanks to Sokoto Books and Arts Foundation. The literary hangout and the next-day workshop is still my favourite literary activity this year. I met awesome people during the event. I attended SOBAF's Night of Performance, which was the last program on the 3rd day of this year's SOBAFest. I read one of my works, met new and old faces, and of course the Aarinola factor.

I did less of copywriting this year. The only reason I still get job referrals is because I'm good at what I do. 2024, I'll try to go from freelance copywriting to corporate copywriting. I need me some stability.

Joey and I have something small planned and I can't wait to see how much out little experiment would impact our growth as writers.

BOOKS

There were years I used to boast of reading 80+ books, this year, I struggled to read 47 which was less impressive since I read about 60 in 2022. All the books I read this year came from Nigerian Bookworms - a WhatsApp group of crazy book readers, Joey, Aarinola, and TBO's Booklovers - another WhatsApp group of cray cray people.

I'm mostly addicted to African literature, poetry, and non-fiction. I only read self-help when I'm at a crossroad. I read so much poetry this year as a substitute for books. I can't list all the books I read this year, but here are my top recommendations in no particular order:

Short Stories Collection

Dreams and Assorted Nightmares - Abubakar Adam Ibrahim

Interpreter of Maladies - Jhumpa Lahiri

God's Children Are Little Broken Things - Arinze Ifeakandu

A Broken People's Playlist - Chimeka Garricks

What It Means When A Man Fall From The Sky - Lesley Nneka Arimah

Becoming Nigerian - Elnathan John

Of This Our Country: Acclaimed Nigerian writers on the home, identity, and culture they know.

Novel

Vagabonds - Eloghosa Osunde

Waiting For An Angel - Helon Habila

I Do Not Come To You By Chance - Adaobi Tricia Nwaubuani

The Death of Vivek Oji - Akwaeke Emezi

Love In Colour - Bolu Babalola

When We Were Fireflies - Abubakar Adam Ibrahim

When Breathe Becomes Air - Paul Kalanithi

Self Help/ Non Fiction

The Psychology of Money - Morgan Housel

Atomic Habits - James Clear

Who Will Cry When You Die - Robin Sharma

The Stolen Daughters of Chibok - Aisha Muhammad-Oyebode

Poetry

Rose Ash by Samuel A. Adeyemi and Heaven is a Metaphor (same author)

Memento: An Anthology Of Contemporary Nigerian Poetry – Adedayo Agarau (editor)

Your Crib, My Qibla – Saddiq Dzukogi

Chrysanthemums For Wide-eyed Ghosts - Echezonachukwu Nduka

Helium - Rudy Francisco

Love Is My Saviour: The Arabic Poems of Rumi

Calling A Wolf a Wolf - Kaveh Akbar

On Earth We Are Briefly Gorgeous - Ocean Vuong

Depression and Other Magic Tricks - Sabrina Benaim

PEOPLE & RELATIONSHIP

There are so many amazing individuals in my life at this moment that it'll be exhausting writing about them all. I think I grew in terms of my relationship with people. I now let things go so quickly and in turn, hurt way lesser than holding on or trying to patch broken china and getting cut. I made newer friends; I relate with people better; I'm quite approachable; and as the anonymous messages I hosted suggested, I have a way of making people feel special.

And maybe that just a part of my longing for what I've always wanted — to feel special. Earlier this year, I saw a quote about saying to people thing you wish they'd say to you. I think that's one of the key reasons I write: the ability to do things with words.

I don't have an intimate circle of friends, rather, I share familiar bonds with a large number of people. I think friendship like any form of relationship needs real maintenance to work, and I'm not in the right frame of mind to be as vulnerable as I was in the middle of this year. I got into a friendship in the middle of this year that almost destroyed all my years of building self esteem and psyche. I saw gaslighting promax. Thank God for Asiwaju who saved me. (I'll write a nonfiction about it sometimes next year when I've properly healed).

I broke up with my partner in February and I've not been in any relationship since. It was one of my best relationships and I still blame myself for how awry it ended. However, since I realized my faults and in the bid to becoming a better person, I reached out and apologized, and we've made peace but it still hurts sha but I'm glad they are happy. It is very obvious we can't be together anymore, as they are now in the US for graduate studies, nonetheless, we are still friends.

FINANCES

I think I was more stable this year than 2022. 2019 and 2020 were still my most financially liquid year — I worked the most those years. I was never hungry this year; there was always food at home and money to satisfy small small cravings. I cooked a lot this year, I did not try newer dishes sha. Bill wise, people came through for me at my direst hours and I'm forever grateful for that.

I was able to save more by spending less and buying in bulk. I did not invest anything o — na person whey don chop dey invest. Food took the largest chunk of my spendings, then books, housing, my regular bills, and transportation.

EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES

I received an appointment from the Nigerian Medical Students Association (NiMSA) — I served as the Local Officer for NiMSA' Technical Office on Cancer Awareness and Advocacy for my med school association this year. It was fun, exhausting, but yeah, I'll do it all over again. We organized outreaches, carried out sensitization and awareness programs. I was in meetings after meetings; I was requested for everywhere.

I'm currently serving as the Associate Editor in Chief of the Usmanu Danfodiyo University Medical Students Association. I edit all of the MSA's newsletters since inception and I can't describe how much joy it is leading multiple groups and having literary discussions. I am always in my EIC's DM; no one can really get enough of the amazing aura of Rosha.

I ran for an executive position in the MSA and lost early this year. Oh tears upon tears, I'm kidding. It was a learning opportunity and my classmates really surprised me at the polls. Again, I relive the memories of the election period and I can't be more proud of Nexus Doctores. I won't be contesting next year, but my eyes are wandering on the inexhaustible list of capacitated people in my class who'd be contesting, and I'm definitely going to throw my weight behind them.

2024 PROSPECTUS

I can't say with certainty what would happen to me in 2024, but I'm sure it'll be a year better than 2023. I am not going in with a grand to-do list, I don't have world-breaking or record-shattering achievements in mind; what I do wish for is the little joys and sometimes filtered-out happiness that comes with living.

I don't want the days of next year to come jabbing at me fast, leaving be bedazzled. I want them simple, sweet, I want my next year to be incredibly soft irrespective of what anybody thinks.

Although I did less of all the things I loved doing, 2024 is going to change that. I'll pass my Medical Board exams. I'll write fearlessly and unhinged. I'll make more money. I'll be there for my people. I'll do everything I want to do and yes, nothing will be sacrificed.

In 2024, I'll be HIM.