Erectile Dysfunction, & Why Boda Nuru Cannot Hold It Longer Than Two Minutes
In the heart of Lagos trenches, there is a colossal simp, Boda Nuru battling with penile demons that are hell bent on making his life.....
Before I say anything, Boda Nuru must not know that I wrote about him. In reality, he’d be more surprised that my first publication is about him, and less about the fact that his condition shames the devil.
Haaa. How old is Boda Nuru that at twenty-nine his Baba Ibeji is failing, just the way Buhari failed Nigerians? Bhet, I’m not here to talk about my country; Nigeria is progressing economically. IMF, UN, ECOWAS, STD, HIV, and other international bodies can attest to it.
Okay, I ramble a lot. Let us go back to Boda Nuru and focus on his condition. First, who is Boda Nuru? I promise you not to deviate but Boda Nuru lives in my street, somewhere inside the trenches of Lagos. You see, Boda Nuru takes everything take-able; from concoctions (agbo) to drugs that Mummy Dami, the quack, under-the-decking chemist here sells to him.
In fact, he once drank something that looked like menstrual discharge mixed with salt and chicken-flavour maggi. You know how hard that maggi is that you have to literally use sledge hammer to crush it before you can sprinkle it inside soup.
So yes, that is who Boda Nuru is: a suffer-head Lagos simp whose penis’ erection half-life is shorter than Usain Bolts’ sprints time.
Having established the persona of today’s discussion, erectile dysfunction (ED) is one of the leading causes of relationship/marriage failures around the world.
Agege Analysts believes that out of every 20 breakfast cases in Nigeria, 9 is based on or affiliated to the poor performances of the man. Please don’t tell me to reference the peer reviewed journal where our Agege Analysts published his findings.
The sad reality is that once you are above the age of 18 years, you can experience erectile dysfunction. I know… I know… Boda Nuru don’t cry, don’t cry, 57.4% of Nigerian males have experienced this problem or are experiencing it (national prevalence rate from several independent researches).
The good news is that erectile dysfunction cannot progress to other physical health problems like diabetes, loss of vision, etc. I mean, God is not wicked now, he wouldn’t afflict Boda Nuru with ED and still sprinkle it with arthritis.
But erectile dysfunction if left untreated can twerk into a man’s life and wreak havoc on his mental and emotional wellbeing.
A research published in the South African Journal of Psychiatry examined the dynamics between ED, marital distress, and depression amongst males in Umuahia, Nigeria. 62% of those with ED already have extra wahala in their marriages; the mean age for those tested was 45 years; and 176 of all the 678 married men that were tested are battling with ED.
In other published researches carried out in different parts of Nigeria, there is an ED prevalence rate of 41.5% and 43.6% in Niger Delta region and South West region of Nigeria.
If you are suffering from ED, the probability that your babe is cheating on you is highhh. There is a reason she has 3 male besties, goes for sleepovers, doesn’t pick your calls on some nights and reply with things like “babe I’m so sorry, I slept off” (oya take handkerchief and wipe those hot tears).
ED is a silent killer for relationships, and it tends to make men lose interest in pursuing one.
Please note that there is a big difference between “premature ejaculation” and “erectile dysfunction”, but you see that Oshodi under-bridge pharmacist doctor Kennedy, who went to Orlu Polytechnic, finished with pass, bhet now practicing medicine on the roadside in Lagos did not know the difference and he would most likely sell you things that will never work or work adversely to your health.
In this publication, which is already long in my eyes because of my ẹjọ́ wẹ́wẹ́, I’ll focus solely on ED, tell you about the causes, offer solutions and assistance in helping you overcome them if you're experiencing it.
What exactly is Erectile Dysfunction?
Erectile dysfunction (ED) popularly known as “impotence”, is the inability to achieve or sustain an erection for satisfactory sexual activities. In simpler words, ED is when you have a penis that cannot stay hard and ready for its glorious job (seghzzz) for less than average time of sexual activity.
Maybe I am still sounding too formal.
If you have a beautiful penis bhet after two to five strokes, it has went flaccid fiam, or during foreplay your penis did not even stand at all – the thing just stayed limp and lifeless like the president of a country in za oza room, then you are definitely suffering from ED.
Erectile dysfunction varies in severity.
Some men (read as Lagos men) have a total inability to achieve an erection (severe ED); others have an inconsistent ability to achieve erections (on and off like PHCN doings); and another group can have erection but it’ll only last for a brief period. (stand gidigba penis but it’ll fall after 120 seconds – this is where Boda Nuru falls in).
The variation makes estimating its frequency difficult for both the person suffering from it and the doctor during diagnosis. Which is why you have to be open and tell your doctor everything so that they’ll diagnose you correctly.
While erectile dysfunction can occur at any age, it is quite uncommon among young men and more frequent in the elderly.
By the age of 45, most men have experienced erectile dysfunction at least some of the time they tried having sex. In fact, most of the time they tried having sex outside of their marriage.
Before we can full discuss ED, we should first talk about what really is an erection.
What causes an erection?
An erection is the result of increased blood flow into your penis. Blood flow is usually stimulated by either sexual thoughts or direct contact with your penis such as an orgasmic, mind-shattering blowjob or handjob or grinding or any of the other things you all do.
When a man becomes sexually excited, muscles in their penis relax. This relaxation allows for increased blood flow through the penile arteries. This blood fills two chambers inside the penis called the corpora cavernosa. As the chambers fill with blood, the penis grows rigid. Erection ends when the muscles contract and the accumulated blood can flow out through the penile veins.
Can you see it is quite simple?
ED can occur because of problems at any stage of the erection process. For example, the penile arteries may be too damaged to open properly and allow blood in. some people have varicose veins in their penizzz.
What are the symptoms of erectile dysfunction?
Before I say anything about these symptoms, I want to state it that you should seek medical advice from competent health workers if you are experiencing any of them.
This post is an informative content, it doesn’t overrule the need for professional diagnosis. That is, if Boda Nuru should read this post, he should still speak with an Urologist.
Now back to the most common symptoms:
Trouble getting an erection, trouble keeping an erection and reduced sexual desire are the major symptoms of erectile dysfunction.
Most sufferers like Boda Nuru complained that they did not have the required stimuli to cause an erection. That is, despite all the totori and six-hour foreplay, oga penis still refused to stand gidigba. This could be as a result of hormonal imbalance or other things. It is like despite all of Buhari’s fruitless fights against kwaruption, people were looting billions right under his eyeballs.
Another category complained of losing erection quickly, majorly within one to four minutes after penetration.
It is worthy to mention reduction in sexual desires as another symptom. Some men tends to get tired almost too early during sexual intercourse, this feeling tends to knock off the desire for sex, hence, causing erectile dysfunction.
Comprende, c’est la ment? (is this comprehensive enough?). Plix don’t argue my French with me, I went to school.
Now, what causes erectile dysfunction?
Hmmm… Erectile dysfunction has many possible causes, and they can include both emotional and physical disorders. Some common causes are: cardiovascular diseases, diabetes, hypertension, hyperlipidemia, damage from cancer or surgery, injuries, obesity or being overweight, increased age, stress, anxiety, relationship problems, extreme drug use, excess alcohol consumption and smoking.
Now don’t get it twisted. Having any of the issues I just listed doesn’t automatically means you will have ED, they are just most commonly associated with ED. Shey you get?
Erectile dysfunction can be aggravated by one of these factors or several of them combined. That’s why it’s important to work with your doctor so that they can rule out or treat any underlying medical conditions.
Results have shown that those who reported this case early, suffered minimal or no loss at all as it was treated earlier before becoming a major threat to their relationship.
Bhet you see people like Boda Nuru who did not seek medical advice quickly, he suffered many heartbreaks and ate multiple breakfasts to the extent that I looked at him and shook my head.
As in, before you can look at somebody in this Lagos and pity that person, it means their condition is severe, because everybody in Lagos already deserves pity. Living in Lagos is a source of pity.
“All men in Lagos are pitiable but some men are more pitiable than others” – Obalende Aristotle.
Is there really a way out for ED?
Sure there is, there are several ways specialists such as Urologists and primary health physicians have helped patients overcome erectile dysfunction.
These treatments have proven to solve these cases and in turn help people have control over their relationship, manage the condition, and in cases, total cure of ED.
I am shouting it now because I have the voice. You must see a doctor if you think you have ED. Yes, there is no two ways about it.
Let your doctor examine you and recommend drugs that will help, one of the reasons accurate information about these conditions are not so common is because people tends to shy away from their doctors.
And some will just look at their doctors and lie aggressively! Ah hann. Oga ooo.
When in severe case, it is the responsibility of your primary health care provider to refer you to a specialist. Yes, referral to a specialist not to one local herbalist as Nollywood likes to portray it.
Medications like sildenafil (viagra), tadalafil (cialis), testosterone (androderm), can stimulate blood flow to your penis. However, these drugs usually have debilitating side effects, especially when you abuse them.
People like Boda Nuru chews viagra like water every damn time and it is so dangerous.
I understand the pressure to perform if you are a man, and honestly, no man likes it when his story makes it to social media under the “please hide my ID, my boyfriend, Boda Nuru cannot…” situations.
Before you take any kind of performance-enhacing drugs, please speak to a medic.
There are legislative order from appropriate authorities that some particular drugs be taken off the market because their side effects are more dangerous than the fact that people can’t maintain erection. But heyyy, people like Mummy Dami, the quack, Lagos under-bridge chemist still sells them. After all, she bought them with money and she cannot go and pour them into the lagoon.
There are also natural remedies or homemade remedies that can also help treat erectile dysfunction. However, it is advisable you talk to your doctor before trying new ones. Some says ginseng, yohimbe and Asparagus racemosus helps but they all sounds like kamakazee to me sha.
What I am damn sure of is that several exercises, talk therapy, intentional change in diet and maintaining of balanced diets are a combined method of battling ED.
To summarize all I have written above, Erectile dysfunction is not the end of life.
Boda Nuru don’t unalive yourself yet. You can still have a quality sex life with the right treatments from the right sources. You just have to first speak to a competent health worker, stick to your treatment plan, AND AVOID LAGOS GIRLS!
The End.
If you like what you just read, drop a comment if possible. Share this newsletter with your friends and family, even if they are not suffering from ED. Yes, knowledge is power. Subscribe please and I will talk to you nexzt week…. 💚❤️
You're not just a badass writer, you're a comical medic. Agba
This was a beautiful read.. you should write on porn Induced erectile dysfunction. That's more prevalent amongst youths